VCLP day 18. My body is putting in work!

I have really been taking the time to notice how great I feel. No need for coffee, I am full of natural energy. I've been sleepy at night. One thing I am trying to do is take a probiotic every day. Since I don't usually eat the melba, I can use this as a yeast cleanse. I also take a third of a Triphala, which helps with elimination. I feel like I even am thinking more clearly!

Last night I knew I was going to cheat. I didn't plan on it, but I was alone, and I didn't see an end in sight to the grudge match going on here in my house. Instead, I sat on the couch and talked to myself. I told myself that I knew I needed to feel heard. I knew I wanted that crunch to just let my jaw lose and distract myself from the unfairness of this ridiculous stand off. I sat with my hands over my eyes. Then I prayed. And I sat waiting for the urge to pass.

And it did.

VCLP day 18. My body is putting in work!

I have really been taking the time to notice how great I feel. No need for coffee, I am full of natural energy. I've been sleepy at night. One thing I am trying to do is take a probiotic every day. Since I don't usually eat the melba, I can use this as a yeast cleanse. I also take a third of a Triphala, which helps with elimination. I feel like I even am thinking more clearly!

Last night I knew I was going to cheat. I didn't plan on it, but I was alone, and I didn't see an end in sight to the grudge match going on here in my house. Instead, I sat on the couch and talked to myself. I told myself that I knew I needed to feel heard. I knew I wanted that crunch to just let my jaw lose and distract myself from the unfairness of this ridiculous stand off. I say with my hands over my eyes. Then I prayed. And I say waiting for the urge to pass.

And it did.

Past 2 days

The past two days have been really really rough. It started with a big fight with my after which he left. My most vulnerable time for a binge is when I am alone. Add in the frustration of the argument and it was just all bad. Yesterday was the same.

I keep telling myself that every time I give in to eating emotionally I give those feelings, habits and addictions more power. I tell myself not to judge myself for eating off protocol (I'm not binging, at least), and that I sympathize with my actions rather than feeling guilty. I gained 2 pounds over the past two days, also. We'll see how tonight goes.

Honesty interlude

I ate a few oven fries and some brussels sprouts roasted in oil. I didn't have my fruit today, but I do know better. What I am proud of, however, is that I didn't decide I totally blow my "diet" and inhale everything in site. I am growing. Progress feels good.

VLCD 13. The trap of commercial satisfaction

I just watched this video from Robin Phillips Woodall, the one about the mother whose dieting affected her son.  I have heard, over and over again, that the cult of the good body is akin to the dieting cult.  I was listening to this song, and it struck me: which ever part of this deficit based society you buy into, it requires that same kind of crazy.  Because once you have that body, you would give anything to maintain it.  Once you have that house, that car, that look, those clothes, IT defines who you are.  You are no longer in control of your fate, the very clothes, car, size, etc that gave you the life you thought you wanted are now the things your life depends on.  Think about those "celebrities" who have lost their fame and have done just about anything to gain it back, or to achieve it at another level.  

That is not a life.  It's a trap.


Today I avoided the coffee with too much milk, but there was another issue. 
I am not spacing out my drops well. These led me to eat brussel sprouts roasted in a little oil. 
I think I got too hungry because it was 12 hours between my first and second doses.

VCLP 12: In the thick of it

I have to admit: I have been subbing a Café Misto for a meat serving for the past three days. I don't know if it's the worst thing, or proof that I won't commit to the diet or evidence that I was hugged too much as a child. I'm not mad at myself for it. But I think I'm quitting it. I understand where Robin is coming from when she emphasizes that these are HORMONES we're messing with. Hormones we don't fully understand. So if I say my goal is body rehab, not just weight loss, I need to set my body up for a good clean reboot-not just a quick drop.

Here are the health problems I have gained with the extra weight:
Achy joints
Reflux
Rashes
Diarrhea
Worsened Asthma
High blood pressure

I'm so glad I'm putting my body first and taking this seriously.

VLCD 10: Thought I was super woman!

Up until around 7, I had very minimal hunger all day. Then all of a sudden, an emotional eating cloud just kind of lighted upon my head. I keep thinking about cheating. I know I have been doing so well and I don't think I will cheat. But it's like I'm being stalked by this desire.

Trying my best to sit with this discomfort. Night night! I update stats mañana. Night!