Forgot to publish this yesterday.
I have been trying to figure out what it takes for me to feel emotionally full. If I'm not hungry for food what am I hungry for?
"Have fun now!" I told my friend. I can't, she tells me. I can't look at myself. I can't enjoy moving because I'm so big. "But that's the mindset you have to fight against. That only the skinny you can fit through the door of having fun. That body shame is what causes us to binge and eat emotionally! The feeling like we don't deserve to have fun just like we feel like don't deserve to have a healthy weight and self sabotage and overly restrict! The key to getting rid of this cycle is to love your body unconditionally. Appreciating what it can do and is doing right now." I told her how, at my lowest, skinniest weight I was not satisfied. Now my but wasn't big enough. It wasn't how I looked that was the problem. The problem was how I saw myself.
And my friend said, "Wow. I see it now. That's what I've been doing. And I didn't even realize it. I have to learn to love my body right now, as it is."
The guilt. The restrictions. The pinching fat. The tears. The shame. The crazy. For her, it may be the first step off the crazy train and into her real life.
After that conversation . . . I felt so full.
No comments:
Post a Comment