"What does it feel like to be hungry?  Because I don't think I really know."

My mom asked me that when I explained the philosophy of Weight Loss Apocolypse's version of the HCG protocol.  I explained that my primary work on this, my second round of the HCG protocol, was not to lose the 70 pounds I have been belly aching about for 75% of my life.  My work is learning when I am hungry and when I am not.  

I went over and over and over this in my head, this question . . . I told my mom something about physical hunger, stomachs growling, something . . . but here I am in Day three, after eating 2 protein servings and one fruit . . .

And I don't know if I am hungry.

I'm watching television after my sons are in bed.  I usually eat during this.  I feel an emptiness in my stomach but I wouldn't say it's hunger . . .

I thought back to the times that I didn't think about eating as a hobby - that's what it is, right?  A hobby.  When did I eat to be nourished?  When did I eat in a way that respected my body?

I sometimes work as part of a facilitation team that does life changing summer camps for youth.  I have worked about four of them and I remember the stress of it.  I remember the late nights and early mornings.  Every meal was all you can eat.  Many people munched non stop, and at one of the camps I was pregnant.  But at camp I was so focused on the experience of the kids that I postponed eating until I finished whatever work was at hand.  Or until I caught that girl who was crying during one of the pieces.  Or until I finished writing my appreciations.  Yes, the food was camp food, and yes, I ate gummy worms and s'mores.  But my focus was not on avoiding or eating food.  My focus was on THE MOMENT.

How can I bring the honor and respect that I carry for my students and their experience into my life?  I must practice what I preach.  I cannot tell them that they can achieve anything, that they must value themselves, that they must be present and take their opportunity to change without taking mine.  

After camp we always were saddened that kids lose much of camp.  They arrive late to class.  They return to substance abuse.  They bottle up their feelings.

I never realized that camp set me up for a new beginning also.  I must take advantage of it.

Night all.  Gonna watch one of Robin Phipps Woodall's videos and try to stay away from that last melba toast.

The Hunger Scale from Robin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVCIWZ-WFc4