Feel the pain, and do it anyway

It's been a rough, rough, ROUGH couple days.  I ate okay, but I feel like I have been going through life in a daze.  I feel my self slowly shutting myself off, slowly retreating back into old habits of quiet worry and isolation.  For a little while, I am losing my best friend due to some personal issues that she needs to resolve. I fully support her and what she needs to do.  On the other hand, I am very cognizant of the fact that talking to her and her support and being able to support her has been huge in my recovery from emotional eating.

She needs to do her right now.  And I need to do me.

But right now, I feel like it just hurts too much to figure out what that means.  Opening up my feelings to another person is the scariest thing that I can imagine.  Public speech? Heights? Dentist? HONESTY AND OPENNESS??  The words typed out sends me into a panic.

I feel frozen in time and space.  But I can't look back.  Yes, I ate a bag of some kind of potato puffs while totally not hungry.  Yes, I binged on split pea soup (easier then it sounds).  But the changes I have made are real.  I am going to the gym because I want to and because it feels good.  I am eating only when hungry about 85% of the time (still working on how to stop).  But I see progress.  And eating doesn't stop the pain.

This is my revolution.  This is my chance to do me.  And just like I tell my students, they are intelligent, strong, and they deserve their successes, I know I should say the same to myself.  I need to keep heeding my conscience, listening to my heart, and staying tuned in to my body.

I want to imitate Rilla Gibson (http://mindbodyhcg.wordpress.com/).  She has been logging daily using the hunger scale to increase her self awareness.  While I want to continue being gentle with myself I want to limit mindless eating and increase my own awareness of my patterns.

Hunger & Fullness Scale

Hunger Scale:
1 - Disparaging
2 - Critical
3 - Urgent
4 - Patient
5 - Content

Fullness Scale:
6 - Satisfied
7 - Satiated
8 - Full
9 - Discomfort
10 - Pain

"Eat cautiously, introduce fats slowly, and keep hunger between a 3.5 and 5.5. Avoid getting too hungry and overly satiated." (Source: Mind Body Method Workbook)